


Inquisitione (to find myself)

by DonaIDK



Category: AlphaTauri - Fandom, Formula 1 RPF, Pierre Gasly - Fandom
Genre: 2019 Formula 1 Season, 2020 Formula 1 Season, F/M, Formula 1, Formula One, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28359561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DonaIDK/pseuds/DonaIDK
Summary: Fleur Carmin, sister of Julien Carmin meets Pierre during an award show where they connect in the first seconds. They start spending time together, fighting through their own challenges that life brings to them. What will happen when Fleur realises she's chasing goals that she isn't passionate about anymore? How will their friendship flourish into maybe something else?
Relationships: Pierre Gasly/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 4





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [x-lipstickstain-x](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=x-lipstickstain-x).



> From ideas that my friend @x-lipstickstain-x on Tumblr gave me, while we constantly shared Pierre pictures to each other. Hope everyone will like it! Any feedback is welcome 😊 (You can also find the story on Tumblr under the same username)

Travelling to Monaco wasn’t really in my plans, but then my brother, Julien was invited to the Laureus World Sports Awards and I just couldn’t really reject the possibility to attend such an event. We were never on the best terms thanks to both of our competitive sides, but as he had the chance to bring a plus one, he somehow thought about me. It was nice for a change, after having to live with his sour personality for years. People would probably never think we’re somehow connected if our faces wouldn’t be exactly the same. I was lucky enough to mostly get our mom’s personality traits, but Julien was just a complete copy of our dad with his flat humour and overreacting on everything. Still, I was probably stuck with him for our whole life, as we still tried supporting each other. It was easier said than done, with both of us competing in the same sport, giving us a chance to challenge each other, even though we would never be in the same category in reality. It was just too hard to leave the competition on the field and never bring it home.

„ You ready finally? ” I heard Julien from the living room of my hotel room. He came in half an hour ago, stating that we’re gonna be late even though we still had an hour to get into a car. Even then, we would probably be early.

„ You were the one who was too early. ” I rolled my eyes while clasping my earrings and standing up from the little desk that had all of my makeup and hair stuff on it. „ Does your patience really not exist or is it just me who doesn’t deserve any of it? ” I asked him as I stepped out of the room and went for one of the bags that had my heels in them.

„ Don’t start it. Today should be a calm evening. ” He stood up, going for the door while I slid my feet into the shoes and followed him outside as soon as I had my jacket in my hands. I wasn’t planning on catching a cold, even though Monaco was usually warm. It was February, and we did catch quite a cold weekend for the event. „ You look good. ” He added as I made sure the door was closed but then walked past him, without taking a look at him.

’ You’re not saving it with that. ’ I shook my head at my thoughts, rather just looking forward and calling the elevator as we got to it. Sometimes I hated how cold we could be to each other while just a second later we could joke around with grins on our faces. It was truly a strange friendship with him. I couldn’t even call it a usual brother-sister situation. Even if on most days he truly acted like an older brother, looking out for me and making sure I was hurt by anything or anyone. There just should have been more of the latter, in my opinion. „ Is Charles coming? ” I asked as we were already on our way down to reception.

„ I think so. He’s on break anyway and probably did get an invitation. ” I shrugged a little, stepping outside as we arrived and went to get us the car that was promised. „ He said he’s gonna text me if he’s not coming. Which he didn’t do yet, so I’m guessing he will be there. ” He checked his phone again, letting me leave the building first after he opened the door. I got my jacket on my shoulders, as my dress was quite open, and followed Julien to the car that was parking next to the building.

He and Charles met at a sports event two years ago, becoming friends instantly. Since then they spent quite some times together, visiting each other in Monaco or France, and even going on vacations when they had a break at the same time. It was quite rare, as the F1 winter break was the main part of our season, leaving only the summer break for them to travel together. Somehow I never really got close to Charles, even though I did spend time with them when they had a plan together or were spending time at our apartment while I still lived with Julien in France. I never had a problem with him, he was a great guy. We just never really connected and needed each other's company when we had the chance to be together.

Ten minutes later we were already at the venue, entering the building without passes, so we could check out everything before we would have to sit down at our tables. It wasn’t long before we both got a glass of champagne and found some skiing friends we stopped to talk to. Julien was in the middle of one of his interesting stories, that we probably already heard from him like four times when I spotted Charles coming our way from the other side of the room. I poked my brother on his shoulder to get his attention, almost getting a glare from him in exchange before he spotted his friend and a grin crept onto his face. He still quickly finished his story, before excusing us out of the conversation so we can go to Charles. I didn’t really plan on following him but made it visible that he wanted me to be by his side so I won’t get lost in the crowd.

„ Welcome to Monaco, guys! How have you been? ” Charles grinned at us as we finally stood in front of him, greeting both of us with a short hug. He wasn’t alone though, a stranger standing next to him, with a glass in his hand. Although his face was familiar, I couldn’t really connect it to a name in my head. However, they didn’t really pay any attention to him as they started talking immediately. It was quite awkward to stand there looking at either each other or my brother and his friend. Luckily one of the hosts saved the moment, by requesting everyone to take their seat at a table, making us walk towards the sitting area. We still just walked next to each other, following Julien and Charles, not really knowing how to handle the situation, before getting brave enough to open my mouth.

„ I don’t think we met before. I’m Fleur, Julien’s sister. ” I turned to him when we had to wait for a little for the queue to move. If it would have been on the two idiots in front of us, we would have ended the night not even knowing each other's names.

„ Pierre, Charles’s childhood friend. Although you wouldn’t be able to tell. ” He let out a laugh looking at his friend who was so deep into the conversation with my brother that he almost tripped on his own foot. The scene made me shake my head with a smile as we followed them through the crowd to an empty table with six chairs next to it in a half-circle shape.

The two of them straight away sat down on the farthest two of the chairs next to each other, not leaving space for Pierre who in the end choose the chair on my left as I got next to Julien. I was trying to get my jacket behind me, somehow getting it stuck every time I tried when he took it from me and in a swift motion got it onto the back of my chair. I thanked him with a quick smile, looking back forward as the hosts appeared on the stage to start the whole event.

„ I never thought I will feel such a third wheel in my life again. ” Pierre whispered to me almost ten minutes into it, as Charles and Julien were still talking between them, not even caring about us.

„ You didn’t spend enough time with my brother yet. He can make you feel like that even if you are alone with him. ” I sighed, looking at him as it wasn’t even that interesting on the stage. „ I don’t really like spending time with the two of them if there isn’t someone else with us. ” I shrugged my shoulders, as I took a sip from my drink.

„ He sounds like great company. ” He chuckled, making me smile too, although it was actually sad how little he cared about anything outside of his own feelings. But that’s Julien. You either deal with it or just leave him behind. „ I think Charles already mentioned you once. You compete in skiing, right? ” He surprised me a little with his question, and that he was interested in my life.

We spent the next hour discussing the differences between our sports, and how we got where we are now. It was captivating how he talked about racing and driving those cars, making me actually excited to maybe watch some races in the upcoming season. It wasn’t something I never did, as I already watched some of the races, but it was never something I paid much attention to, mostly just turning it on as background noise. It was also interesting to hear these things from him who was truly part of the races and experienced everything that most fans of F1 can just dream about.

„ Maybe you should come out to a race if you have time. It’s a lot better in person. ” He offered with a little smile and I was about to respond when Julien chooses the exact moment to finally get back to reality and start talking to me.

„ You know, you should be up there. ” He bumped my shoulder with his. Someone who didn’t know him would have thought it was sweet of him, but I just knew he wasn’t finished. „ Maybe if you would have actually pushed yourself, you know. ” He added, with a smirk on his face as my smile faded.

„ Says someone, who still didn’t get any awards either. ” I bit back at him, my head starting to boil although I got myself together in seconds.

„ Well, the male categories are a lot harder. But getting into yours should be effortless. ” He shrugged, making my jaw visibly dropped, as I couldn’t believe that my own blood would make a comment like this. I saw the surprise on Charles’s face too, but he didn’t dare speaking up and I just wanted to get out of this conversation before I would regret my next action. I only saw him act like this when he was tipsy, but now he didn’t even have his whole glass of champagne yet.

„ Talk to me if you come to your senses. ” I told him, standing up and leaving the table as soon as I just could, rather going to the bar, so I could sit down.

I didn’t really plan on drinking, even though I would have rather forgot about that comment he made, so I just asked for a light cocktail, and stayed on the bar chair. I knew he would probably just ignore me for the rest of the night as we usually did in situations like today. It was easier to deal with emotions without each other. Sometimes I really didn’t know what I was waiting for when I knew quite well how he can be, and how much he doesn’t know the limits that shouldn’t be touched. These moments made me understand why I moved away from and why I wasn’t on the same team as him anymore.

„ Are you okay? ” Pierre came up to me, sitting down next to me with his drink in his hand. „ That wasn’t too kind of him back there. ” He let out a sigh, looking at me.

„ Yeah, just the usual. I’ll just leave him to it. You can’t be next to him when he’s in that mindset. ” I swirled my drink around, looking at how it went around the wall of the glass. „ Or at least I can’t. ” I added with a sigh, putting it down before I would accidentally break it.

„ He will probably realise what he said was wrong. ” Pierre sent a calming smile towards me, making me smile too although it still felt sour inside. With a little nod, I tried changing the topic back to where we left off, hoping it would make me forget the last two minutes of my life.

It actually helped, talking to him calmed me down and just minutes later I felt like nothing bad happened today, and everything was perfect since I woke up. Pierre did have this effect, probably on every person on this Earth and also on me, that you just focused on talking to him and forgot where you were and what happened before you started the conversation with him. We went over how I started sky jumping and my journey until now, but we also touched on his career and what he did since he started. At least with how we thought about our future in our respective sports. I never knew people who were racing cars as a job, so it was the first time for me to learn about how their lives actually look like. It wasn’t at all as glamorous as you would think. The event was slowly approaching its end when I started feeling how tired I actually was. The only thing I was dreading was me having to travel back to the hotel in the same car as Julien. I really wasn’t looking forward to it.

„ Think I’m gonna run before it really ends. I don’t really care about sitting in the same car as him. ” I sighed, not even naming Julien as I knew he will know who I’m talking about. „ Although, I don’t think the car will go back just with me. He’s here to take both of us at the same time. ” I realised the fault in my thinking.

„ I can take you back. I don’t mind leaving a little early and Charles has his own car here, so he won’t mind me leaving either. ” He stood up after me, making me look up at him. I didn’t really react to him at first and I could see in his eyes that he was about to take back his offer, thinking he did bad.

„ That would help a lot. I don’t really know how to get back walking. ” I smiled at him gladly, taking my purse from the bar so we could go. „ If you don’t mind driving me and then getting yourself home. ” I added as I really didn’t want to be a burden on him.

„ I’m a driver, it won’t strain me. ” He let out a laugh, making me join in as we went outside. It was a lot colder and even windier than when we arrived here. „ Oh, my jacket… ” I looked back as soon as it hit me that I left it inside. I was just about to go back, even though I hated the thought of having to talk to Julien as I had to take it from next to him, when warmth sat down on my shoulders and looking forward I saw as Pierre let go of his own coat that was now on me.

„ Stay here, I’m gonna get my car and get it here for you. ” He said before I could even react to him giving me his jacket, and the only thing I could do was wait there while I watched him walk away, towards the parking lot. I was standing there a bit shocked, or more like surprised, clutching his jacket around myself and thinking about what was actually happening.

It wasn’t even five minutes later when he parked down in front of me and I got into the sportscar. I wasn’t really surprised that he had one but still, it took me off guard for a second before I shook myself out of it. He was a smooth driver, I didn’t have any problems with his style and he did get me to the hotel in one piece. I was actually sad when it was time for me to get out and say goodbye to him, but I really hoped we will meet sometimes again. I would have gladly had a chat with him once in a while about mostly anything. He was a perfect conversation partner, next to whom you can easily mention anything without fearing his response.

It was the next morning when I realised that his jacket was still with me, even though I should have given it back to him when I got out of his car. I knew that he was probably already on a plane towards another country as he mentioned it the previous night, meaning I couldn’t just meet him to give it back. I thought about asking Julien for his number when he came to my room to give me my own coat, but I just really didn’t want to give him an idea about me having one of Pierre’s clothing item. He would have had a field day if he got to know that. Neither did I or Pierre need him to be incorrectly angry and maybe even doing something regretful.

What I decided on, in the end, was searching him up on Twitter and DMing him about where his jacket is. I thought he wouldn’t see it for the next few hours so I just left my phone while I went for my usual run, but came back for a message from him, that was sent just minutes after mine. For a second I felt really bad for leaving him without any response, but then his message just made my smile and about that thought immediately.

’ No problem! I was glad you didn’t catch a cold. Maybe we can get that F1 race ticked off your bucket list when you give it back? ’ I read through the two short lines and it made me grin as a Christmas present did like 15 years ago.

’ I’d love that! ’ I quickly replied, hoping he would see it soon, and won’t change his mind until then. That smile didn’t really leave my face for the remainder of the day. Not even when my plane back home was late and I got soaked on my way home from the airport. As soon as I was sitting on my couch with a cup of tea it crept back onto my face, as I thought about everything that happened.

~ ° ~

On that day in February, I was hopeful about us meeting again, but I did have a bad feeling that he will just forget about it in the next days and we’ll probably never talk again. That’s why I was so surprised when chatting and then even texting and calling became an almost daily activity for both of us. I was always looking forward to his messages and I always managed to at least keep up with the F1 news even though the season didn’t even start yet. I knew that even if he forgets about the ticket I will probably watch every race he will have in the upcoming season. At least as much as my time will let me.

Then with the end of March, I was finally free and could plan my days how I wanted. It wasn’t my best seasons, full of little injuries and problems as I was just losing my faith in myself. Julien didn’t help either as he tried to push me even harder when I was down. What he didn’t know was that him pushing me was the one thing that caused the stress and pressure that I felt every time I travelled for one of the rounds and stepped out before a competition. Still, he was the kind of a person who you couldn’t talk with or he would just take it the wrong way and just make everything worse than it already was. For me, it was easier to just hold it inside me and try not showing anything to him.

I was just lying across my couch, totally spent after yet another workout, that I would have loved to skip, when my phone gave a little sound, making me pick it up immediately. ’ How does China, Shanghai sound? ’ Was the text across my screen which I opened with a double-tap in the next second. I didn’t really know what Pierre wanted to mean with that message, my brows furrowing as I typed out an answer.

’ I’ve never been to. Why? ’ I asked him, lying back on the couch again with a pillow under my head and a soft blanket over my legs even though it was probably melting hot outside. I usually liked feeling comfy under one during nights like today, when I was just done with life.

’ If you’re free. ’ His response came a minute later followed by two screenshots. I opened them curiously but my jaw probably dropped to the first floor from my fifth-floor apartment when I saw what they were about. I couldn’t resist and open his contact so I could call him as I kicked down my blanket.

„ Pierre, I could have bought them myself. You didn’t have to. ” I started as soon as he picked up, and I probably got his greeting stuck in his throat. I could hear him chuckling though which was a good sign that he didn’t choke at least.

„ I was the one inviting you, so I’m the one who will get you the ticket. That’s how that works. You will have to deal with that. ” He said in a voice that made me give up the fight as I knew he won’t change his mind. „ I’m going with the same plane if that’s okay with you. I just got back to Italy and will be flying to China with you. ” He added making me smile at my thoughts. I couldn’t deny that I loved every second I got to spend with him.

„ That’s perfect… I mean at least I won’t get lost at the airport. ” I corrected myself as soon as I caught it and hoped he wouldn’t misunderstand it. Or more like catch how I actually meant it. „ We can meet at the airport I guess. Is it departing from Milano? ” I asked him, taking out my notepad where I had my plans written down just so I can check if I have to push anything back.

„ Yes. My plane will arrive a little before the next one departs. So we can meet at the airport. ” He answered after a second of thinking while I crossed out two phone calls that I wouldn’t be able to take while travelling.

„ Yeah, that would be great. ” I sighed out, but I got excited as soon as I had F1 written in down into my plans for the week, like a little kid who was told he can eat dessert for breakfast. „ I guess this is the only time when I will be proud of myself for not yet packing out fully from my suitcase. ” I let out a laugh as soon as my eyes landed on the mentioned baggage left next to my bedroom door.

The next few days were spent with washing my remaining laundry so I had a collection to choose from when I finally started packing for real. Luckily everything I needed from the three separate suitcases fit into only one medium-sized, making it a lot easier to organize. On Monday I got up painfully early to look everything early and then wait until the taxi arrived, and I had to take my things down to the parking spaces next to the block of flats. We were soon off to the airport and started our almost a day-long travelling. I slept through the start of our first flight and then most of our second flight. It was already Tuesday afternoon when we finally arrived and could get a taxi to our hotel. We had neighbouring rooms on the floor where their team stayed, although they didn’t arrive yet when we already took our rooms.

We decided to have a rest day for the remaining part of the day as the both of us was exhausted, but woke up a bit earlier the next day so we could check out the city a little. It was strange to have travelled to somewhere without having to compete or having Julien and our family with me. I never went on vacations alone, and in the last year or so I tried skipping them when it would have been with my brother alone or with him and his friends. They weren’t my friends and even though they were mostly great people, better than him at least, I still didn’t feel really comfortable with them. This is why I was so confused about how quickly I became so great friends with Pierre. It wasn’t usual for me, and even I was taken back when I looked back at how our friendship grew in the past few weeks.

„ You know… this is the first time I travelled without anyone from my bubble. ” I told him as we sat down with our lunch in the middle of a park. It was quite good weather for us to just sit outside while we ate our sandwiches.

„ Oh, so I’m not your bubble now? ” He asked me with a smile on his face as I rolled my eyes. „ I know, I know. Just joking. ” He shook his head but I never took it wrong in the first place.

„ I always travelled with Julien or our family. Although that was also already almost two years ago. ” I sighed, looking at my sandwich as I thought how much I missed breaks like this.

„ I would ask why you didn’t go with them… but I think I know. ” His face twitched a little but I just shrugged my shoulders, as I just didn’t even have anything to say to that. We talked enough about my brother already and he did introduce himself to Pierre quite well the first time we met. That was enough to show him why I didn’t like spending time with him outside of our job.

We took another walk around the part where our hotel was before retreating back to our rooms for a nap before we met up again for dinner. Everything just felt so perfect after all the shitty things that went down for me at the end of my own season, and it did scare me how many emotions were running around my body. I was petrified that I will just break this too as I usually did with things that I enjoyed. My biggest problems were that I didn’t see inside of Pierre’s head and that while he was the only one I would be willing to share my thoughts with, they involved him. I couldn’t just say them out loud to him and ask him for his opinion. I was pretty sure it would end up with me hurting and losing another close friend. So I just kept my mouth shut and enjoyed the weekend and the time we spent together.

Watching the race from so close, and being able to go inside the garage and talk to people who worked there was fascinating. The whole three days showed me why he loved this so much and I could actually understand what he was feeling, even though I didn’t get to drive, and didn’t really want to try it either. It felt strange when they all started to pack up and plan their leave for the next one in two weeks. I couldn’t even comprehend how he still had his head on his neck getting in and out of a machine that goes so fast and also travelling around the whole globe. I understood the lifestyle, we had to travel probably just as much in my sport, but it still felt a lot more confusing than ski jumping. I did look up to him after experiencing everything and was sure that I will miss the atmosphere that was around the paddocks and the garage.

„ Dinner? ” Pierre startled me when he appeared next to me in the garage but I was smiling again just a second later. „ Sorry, didn’t know you were this out of it. ” He let out a laugh, quickly touching the small of my back as an apology when he had to pass me to get his helmet from the table.

„ I’m just still in a trance, I think. ” I chuckled, stepping aside a little before following him back to the room he had behind the garage. „ It was a lot more than I anticipated. ” I added with a sigh, but it was for sure from happiness.

„ So you liked it? I hoped you wouldn’t be bored at the end of the day. ” He looked back at me but then entered his room while I waited in the hallway for him to change back into his clothes.

„ Of course I did! I don’t know how someone could be bored around cars like these. ” I shook my head as I could hear rustling from inside as he was moving around the clothes. While he was inside I took my phone out and finally decided which pictures I wanted to post. It wasn’t easy as I captured at least 50 moments that I would have gladly shared. But I had to limit it, as the ones who were following me probably didn’t care about car racing. It was still my own profile and I usually posted what I wanted, without thinking about what my followers gonna say.

„ Oh, so it was only the cars that you liked? ” He laughed after his question, making me roll my eyes at it, as I knew what he was teasing me about. „ Or was it maybe one of the fantastic drivers that made it interesting? ” He asked again, proving my thoughts right, about what he wanted to know.

„ Why am I not surprised that you were thinking about this. ” I shook my head, my smile still visible on my face. I was just happy he didn’t actually know who made it all a bit more interesting for me. Although he may as well have known it already. „ But no. No one looked appealing to me, sadly. ” I shrugged my shoulders looking up at him when he finally came out, now dressed in normal everyday clothes.

„ Do you want to go to a restaurant or are we staying in the hotel? ” He asked, leading me outside to the paddocks through where we could get to the car that will take us back to our hotel. I knew we will come back to help the team packing up tomorrow, but right now I just wanted to get back. It was all amazing, but also really tiring.

„ The hotel will be perfect. I’m low maintenance like that. ” I sighed, flipping my ponytail but just seconds later we both started laughing and think I maybe even cried a little. We both knew if someone wasn’t low maintenance it was probably me. I didn’t need a lot as in material goods, but I loved going to places and try things. I also had too much energy for my own good, which meant I always needed plans so I wouldn’t get out of hand.

A car took us back as soon as everything was deemed finished for the evening, and we were free to leave. We both had a refreshing shower in our rooms before meeting up again in the hallway so we could join his team for dinner together. It was a simple hotel restaurant but it was decorated quite well, making you forget where you actually were. We had our trays full of food in seconds, searching for two seats at the team table that was across each other so we won’t have to always turn while talking.

„ A little kid recognized me today. It was quite strange. ” I remembered when I already had the silverware in my hands and was ready to start eating. „ She asked me where I left my skis and if I wasn’t cold without my usual jacket and helmet. ” I let out a laugh as I could still hear how she asked it so innocently.

„ Kids can be quite cute when they think they know how the world works. ” Pierre chuckled too, looking up at me for a second before concentrating on his plate.

„ Yeah… she asked me how it felt to live my dreams. I couldn’t actually think of an answer. I just made something up on the spot, hoping I won’t have to repeat it as I still don’t remember what I said. ” I let a sigh, my mood changing immediately. He sent me a sad smile, knowing exactly what I was thinking.

It was probably during one of our first conversations when I let him in on the secret that this career was something that I dreamed about as a child but would have gladly left it behind now. I just never really had the power and confidence to stand up and just leave everything behind. What I did instead was changing teams and trainers just so I could be farther from my brother. Thought it would get me out from under his influence but it just wasn’t the perfect solution as he still loved to decide for me whenever he just could, saying he knows more and can help me. Maybe he wanted to do good but just made it even harder for me to find myself while I was doing things I didn’t really want to continue.

~ ° ~

The day I saw the articles about Pierre being put back at Toro Rosso I wanted to reach out to him, but I just felt like he didn’t need my pity and I just hoped he won’t be set back by it. I knew he would fight, he wasn’t the kind to give up, but I would have also understood if it broke his spirit. I would have loved to be next to him if he needed someone but as I was away on a training camp with my team I couldn’t really just fly home. So I only texted him that I hoped he will get a little break from everything and that I knew he would come back stronger.

Then the break was over and I knew they will be racing on the weekend. Thanks to our flights getting delayed, and us getting stuck in a country, which we didn’t even plan on visiting, I was fully unaware of anything that happened. The first time I finally went online was Sunday evening well after the race. This was the exact moment I saw what happened on the day prior and I didn’t even think as I was already calling Pierre, hoping he will pick up. The sound of my call connecting was truly music to my ears.

„ Yes? ” I heard Pierre, although his voice was nothing like his usual one.

„ Are you okay? ” I asked the only thing that came to my mind as I tried not to touch any sensitive parts. I was met with silence but I knew he was still there by hearing his breathing.

„ I don’t know. My mind still didn’t take it all in. I don’t know if it ever will. ” He finally started talking and I just closed my eyes at hearing how broken he sounded. I knew Anthoine meant a lot to him, I heard his name just as frequently in old stories as I did Charles’s. „ I don’t understand why things like this happen. ” He added while I put all my things down in the living room, not even caring about them.

„ When are you coming to Italy? ” I asked him, as we didn’t really discuss his plans for the next weeks, but I knew that the next race will be here in Italy. The country he had to move to during the small break, to be closer to the HQ.

„ Our flight is tomorrow. I’m gonna be there around noon. ” He probably had to check his paper as I had to wait for an answer. I was glad to hear that he was coming soon, and not staying in Belgium where so much has happened in such a short period. „ I’ll have to get a hotel for the next three days before the team arrives. ” He sighed out, getting me back from my thoughts.

„ I have a spare bedroom. If you have the time and energy to travel to Milano and then to Monza. ” I offered, although I knew it would mean probably more travelling for him than what he would like.

„ I would be really thankful for that. I just need… company. ” He said, surprising me but I was at the same time glad that he wouldn’t be alone even if he would have his team there. „ I’m gonna call you if I’m in the taxi. ” He added before he went to go and we had to put down the call. I just wanted for time to fly so this torture could be over.

The next day I tried cleaning my apartment before he would get here, but I was just finished with the kitchen when he was already calling that his taxi will be here in like 10 minutes. I mostly just got out everything he would need for the spare room when he was already knocking on my door and I could go and let him in. He looked defeated, his shoulders were sunken as he stepped inside, carrying his backpack and suitcase. We got everything settled, exchanging a few words before I sent him into the living room so I could give him lunch finally. I wasn’t the world’s best chef, but I knew enough not to starve, plating the home-made mac’n’cheese out before we sat down to eat.

As neither of us had too much energy we just opted for a nap while watching some stupid series that was running on tv when I turned it on. I was glad when he finally fell asleep, with the blanket I gave him around his body and up to his chin, as I saw how tired he must have been. A half an hour passed when I had to go to the bathroom and even though I really tried to be sneaky he sadly woke up to the croaking sound of the door I opened. I looked at him with an apologetical smile to which he just shook his head slowly. As I was about to pass him he reached his hand out to me which I gladly took and squeezed, but when I thought he would let go of me he just pulled me closer, making me kneel down next to the couch, looking him in the eyes. I would have loved to know how he was feeling so I could help him, but I never lived through something like this and I was just as clueless about what I could do to help as any other human being.

„ What can I do? ” I asked him, completely heartbroken as he pulled my hand to his chest, his eyes closing at how tired he probably was. It made my heart clench to know how many emotions he kept inside in front of the cameras. He looked composed all through Sunday, even though everyone looked sad, he didn’t let other feelings show on his face.

„ Just be here, and never leave. ” He answered my question and even though it wasn’t a quick fix I could use on him, it was something I could easily promise him. I just hoped nothing would make me break that promise.

„ I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon. ” I shook my head with a smile as he moved again, detangling his other arm from the blanket while he still held my hand close to himself.

„ The others didn’t plan on it either. ” He added, and I had no idea how to respond to that. It was something that we couldn’t control. Thinking about it now for someone who can control such a beast of a machine it’s probably hard to imagine that something was completely out of his hands.

When he moved backwards and opened up the blanket he was lying under I knew what he was asking and gladly moved onto the couch in the space he left for me. It wasn’t the worlds biggest couch but finally once in a lifetime, my smaller frame was an advantage as I fit next to him without a problem. I felt as he dropped the blanket over me too, his arm staying over my waist as his fingers tentatively touched my back like he was afraid I would make a run for it in the next seconds. My left hand was still in his right as he pressed it to his chest and I could swear I felt his heartbeat through his bones there. Meanwhile, I moved my right onto his cheek and jawline, calmingly stroking his skin there with my thumb. He seemed relaxed at the moment, but I knew how confused and hurt he probably felt inside even if it wasn’t showing on the outside.

„ I’m gonna be here as long as you want me here. ” I felt the urge to add, making him open his eyes again. I saw the redness in them even though I didn’t see him cry since he arrived, and I knew he probably had one of his longest evenings ever last night. But I couldn’t fault him for that. I would have been the same probably if I was in his place. I felt as he moved his right hand but instead of letting go of mine he just intertwined our fingers, making me scoot closer to him when his other arm tried pulling on me a little.

He was the first one to move his head closer but I happily welcomed the movement leaning closer to connect our lips. It was only a delicate touch of our lips, but at the same time, it was everything I hoped for, making my tummy flutter with all the butterflies that were sleeping inside until now. My hand brushed over his cheek and then his temple, before resting on the side of his head, my fingers slipping into his hair as my eyes closed shut for the next kiss, letting myself fully experience it. If I wanted to be honest with myself it was something I was dreaming about since he took me to Shanghai, but never dared thinking about truth. Still, I would have liked it to happen in different circumstances, but at the same time, I wouldn’t have changed this moment for anything. Even when we parted my hand stayed in his hair, slowly brushing through the longer strands while the other one squeezed his hand.

In the end, we fell asleep on the couch with the tv still running, as I didn’t have it in me to get him to move to the bedroom. He fell asleep before me, letting me just watch his face and wonder how was I so lucky to have him there right next to me. For a second I panicked at the thought of him regretting everything that happened when he wakes up, but before I could really think about sleep won over me and I was sound asleep in just seconds. It was probably better, as it would have helped no one if I started stressing on something that I didn’t even know for sure. We woke up just seconds after each other in the same position as we fell asleep. The only change was that now both of my hands were holding his between us, although mine was so small that it looked quite hilarious as I was clutching onto his.

I had no energy nor willpower to get out of bed, but I did get myself to move my head back from under his chin just so I could look at him. It was all worth it when he gave me a tired smile and almost immediately left a small kiss on my forehead, before leaning down and kissing me on the lips too. Every thought I had last night vanished from my mind as I realised this wasn’t just a mistake in a sensitive moment as I felt myself relax into the moment. I didn’t even know that I was this tense about what would happen, the only thing that made me realise it was when I felt it leave my body.

„ I’m gonna make coffee. We’ll need it. ” I let out a sigh as I felt the soreness in my limbs from travelling in the last few days. Also, probably from the position, we slept in so we won't fall off the couch. It was still too good for me to change it. „ Then we can do something if you want to. ” I offered as I slowly pulled my hands for me, making sitting up a possibility.

„ I think I’m just staying here for now. The outside world can wait for a day. ” He sighed and stretched his arms out when I got up. The sight of him on my couch made me grin, but before he could see it I turned towards the kitchen so I could start the coffee maker.

„ We should at least move to a real bed. ” I called back to him while I was waiting for the machine to finish, as my eyes went back to him. He was still laying down but at least more alive than yesterday.

„ Yeah, my back isn’t the happiest right now. ” He sighed, sitting up and reaching back to the part on his part that was probably hurting him. Our coffee got ready at the same time as he stood up to come to the kitchen. I quickly poured it into two mugs, handing him one of them so he could make it how he likes it.

I put a cube of sugar and quite some milk into mine, while he only put sugar into his. I was about to sit down in the living room, but I just knew we will get stuck there and rather went into my bedroom where we could comfortably sit down on my bed. Pierre looked hesitant for a second but then followed me inside, and sat down on the other side of the bed taking a sip of his coffee before setting it down on the nightstand. I got the remote for the tv on the wall out of the drawer, so we could turn it on and search for something we could watch. I stayed far away from sports channels as I didn’t want to bring the weekend up too much. Even if it ended up being the last push we needed towards each other, I knew it wouldn’t be something that he wants to see more than necessary. We ended up starting a new movie neither of us saw before, as none of the channels I had anything interesting on them.

„ When are you leaving for Monza? ” I asked him, with my mug in my hand but my head turned towards him. Even though I knew he had to leave I would have rather kept him at my apartment until I felt like I could separate from him for some days. It just felt too new to already make myself let go of him just yet.

„ Probably tomorrow. I will just drive there, can’t be bothered to take the train. ” His answer made me smile as it meant we still have a day and maybe even more, as Monza was just a 2-hour drive from here. „ Do you want to come with me? I mean if you’re free. ” He asked, surprising me, and I was glad I wasn’t drinking at the same time.

„ Do you want me to be there? ” I asked him, immediately feeling insecure for a moment as I didn’t know if it was something he just asked because he felt like it was needed.

„ I always wanted you to be there. After yesterday I just want you in my life even more. ” He shook his head, looking back at me after. „ I don’t want to go back to our previous normal. I want this to be our normal. I waited long enough to have the courage to show you. ” He intertwined our fingers again, making me smile back at him as I squeezed his hand back as my answer.

„ And you want to show it to everyone else? ” I asked him, maybe a little hesitant about telling the whole world. It seemed scary, the thought of everyone who follows him knowing about what we are. Even though we didn’t put a label on it yet, we both knew what we are.

„ Not everyone. Just my team, family and maybe some closer friends, so you can come with me to races whenever. But we can wait with everything else. ” He shrugged, his arm coming around me as I turned my torso towards him, to get a better angle. „ We just got here. I want to get the full experience without anyone sharing their opinion about what we should do. ” He added, stroking my arm where he could reach me.

„ Guess we’re gonna be celebrating the first day of September from now on. ” I answered, making the both of us smile before he pulled me closer for a quick kiss. It was still a strange feeling to be this close to him, even though we were quite touchy during our friendship already, but I was getting used to it slowly. „ Although, I demand a date first. That’s just mandatory. ” I sighed contently as I got my legs over his thighs so I could be a little closer to him, as he just shook his head laughing at my requests.

~ ° ~

As soon as I landed after the jump I knew something went really wrong. The moment I tried to stop myself at the end of the runway my knee almost just gave out and I had to just stop myself at the inflatable fence that was there to help in situations like this. As soon as our trainer looked at me I just shook my head, leaning down so I can finally get the skis off my boots, before limping to the exit where I could finally sit down as my knee was throbbing with pain.

„ Knee? ” Angela, our physio appeared next to me, putting down her backpack next to me. I could only nod as I didn’t trust my voice. Both of my legs have been bothering me in the last season, but we always treated it and they went back to normal. The pain I felt was the worst I probably ever felt since I started doing sports. „ We should probably just go to the medical centre. I can’t really take a look at it here. ” She let out a sigh giving me her hand so she could pull me up. Our first destination was the changing room where we got my things and I got into my usual team gear, to make the examination later easier.

Almost an hour later I already got the verdict that I was out of tomorrow’s competition, thanks to how my joints looked on the tests and scans. Angela was truly furious when she got to see them and realised what she was seeing on them. The doctor agreed with her that these looked like long time injuries and not something that happened today. I wasn’t really surprised as I was living with it, and I knew how much discomfort they caused me all the time. Still, it didn’t feel bad enough to tell them about, as I thought it would just hold me back without any actual reason. Turns out I was lucky I could still walk without any major pain and I should have stopped probably at the half-line of last season to let them heal finally.

„ What were you actually thinking? How did you even go through the training camp and all the pre-season training with joints in a state like this? ” Angela asked when we were already back in my room, while she was applying the creme and bandages the doctor recommended.

„ In pain… I just didn’t think it was this bad. I didn’t want it to hold me back. I felt fine and wanted to continue the season. ” I shrugged my shoulders, knowing inside that mostly it was just because I didn’t want to fight with Julien about missing any opportunities I got. That was probably the last thing I wanted to bring onto myself, and now I won’t be able to dodge it.

„ Well, now you’re out for sure. Probably for longer than what you would have endured if it was caught earlier. ” She sighed, securing the bandage in place before letting go of my leg. It was hard to bend it as the bandage was tight around the joint, but I for sure didn’t feel pain as it was held in place.

„ Is it strange that I’m actually kind of relieved I’m gonna be out? ” I asked her, confused as I tried not looking up at her as I knew she probably didn’t really understand my question.

„ After last season? I would feel relieved too. But taking everything into consideration, it won’t be the easiest chapter of your career. ” She answered me, making me take a deep breath as I opened up my phone, that was lying next to me on the bed.

I knew Julien will get the news about me so I didn’t even consider texting him. However, I did send a quick message to Pierre, asking him to call me when he’s gonna be free finally. I knew that he was probably either getting ready for Qualifying or already driving the car, so it was something that would happen probably an hour or so later. With the bandage checked out by one of the doctors I was free to go back to the hotel. They promised to get more scans ready at home as I was going home earlier and the team physio or doctors won’t be able to come back with me. I was glad I didn’t have to plan everything and just focus on getting a flight back home where I had to spend at least a week without any training or workout. It was almost like bed rest, just with an additional rule that I could move around in my own area and maybe even do chores if they weren’t strenuous and I had the bandage on.

I was just looking at some playbacks they were running about the F1 free practices and the quali when my phone started ringing. For a moment I debated looking at it, as the only possibility I thought about was my brother calling, but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Pierre’s name on my screen. Without wasting more time I accepted the call, lifting the device to my ear.

„ Hiya. How did the Quali go? ” I asked him, not really knowing how I should mention the news to him. It felt embarrassing that I messed up this much today.

„ Hello. It wasn’t perfect but we’re in the top 10. That’s what matters most. ” His voice sounded happy making me smile too. He did quite good today if what the commentators said was true. I realised from the background noises that he was still at the track. „ How are you? I thought you’re training today and won’t have time. ” He asked, reminding me why I actually wanted to call him.

„ Yeah, about that. I’m out for a while. ” I sighed and knew he will probably get what I wanted to mean with that. „ I just messed up my knee even more. Scans got them to pull back my name for at least 3 months. ” My fingers were picking at my bandage as I talked about it, anxiety coming forward in my mind immediately.

„ 3 months? What did you do? ” He asked back confused making me sigh out. „ That’s not a small little bruise, Fleur. ” He probably wasn’t mad at me, more like sorry for me, but somehow my mind took it as in him just being disappointed in me.

„ It wasn’t just from today. I just messed up a landing. ” I shook my head getting the sound of the tv lower with a remote as one of the ads were annoyingly loud. „ They said there were visible previous injuries that didn’t heal yet. Probably from my first injury during last season. Angela already talked my head off about it, saying I should have told them if I was in pain. ” I bit my lower lip, squeezing my fist so I wouldn’t pick apart the bandage already on day one.

„ So you went through half a season, a training camp and today with an already injured leg without telling anyone. ” He summed up quite well what happened and I nodded even though I knew he wouldn’t see it. „ Why? I mean… wasn’t it painful? ” He asked and made me actually think. I didn’t really remember feeling so uncomfortable that I wanted to tell someone.

„ I felt that it wasn’t in perfect condition, but it was never to the level of pain that I thought I should get it checked out. ” I shook my head a little, looking down. „ I just didn’t want it to hold me back. I was already such a disappointment and I just wanted to get back and do better next time. ” I added even though hearing it made me realise how bad it actually sounded.

„ You can’t be better than last time if you’re in any way injured. It doesn’t work like that. ” His response made me close my eyes. „ People treat injuries because they need them to get better. Things like that won’t just go away if instead of resting it you just put even more pressure on them. Even I would have to sit out some races if I was injured, although my job only consists of sitting in a car and turning the wheel. ” I knew he wasn’t happy with me and it was probably the first time since we got to know each other that he sounded a bit angry about something that I did.

„ I know. It’s just not that easy… not in my head at least. I just want to go out and do my thing. ” I moved the phone away from my face, putting it on speaker so I wouldn’t have to hold it up. „ I don’t even know how I’ll get through the speech Julien will give me. ” I massaged my face at the thought of having to talk to my brother when I knew damn well he never took it well if I was missing out on opportunities during the season.

„ I actually hate your brother. This whole thing is because of him, isn’t it? ” As soon as he got it right I knew I said too much and would have rather turned time back so I can just keep my mouth shut. „ I knew that there was something behind why you’re always pushing yourself so hard. I feel stupid that I didn’t realise it sooner. ” I was glad the background noise died down because it meant no one was hearing this conversation between us. Even though I knew his team would be really sweet about it, I just didn’t want them to know everything about my family situations. Even Pierre knowing felt strange, as I always tried to only show out better moments towards other people. Next to him, I was like an open book, from the moment we met. „ Are you staying in Austria? ” He asked after a little silence break.

„ I’m flying back tomorrow. They want me to spend at least two weeks resting, which I probably need. ” I sighed and could hear him agree with a quiet ’yes’. „ Thinking about it maybe I will just fly back home. Spend time with my parents before Julien comes home for Christmas. ” I added, knowing that they would probably want me there for the holidays if I didn’t visit them before. I could probably get away with saying I will be with friends for the actual holiday and can only visit before that.

„ They will be happy to see you, I’m sure. ” His smile came back as he responded. „ I will be back in France for Christmas too. Probably gonna fly back to Italy after the Abu Dhabi GP, get my things and then get to France in the next few days. But I may be able to sneak out to Paris for a week. My family will probably get enough of me after the first days to be fine until Christmas without my presence there. ” He said making me smile instantly. I knew we won’t have time to really visit each other until Christmas is over, so knowing that he would be willing to travel even more to me warmed my heart.

„ That would be lovely. I’m pretty sure my mum won’t even let me leave my room if I tell them everything. ” I let out a little laugh just imagining the situation as they’re trying to just tie me down in one place so I can’t hurt myself anymore. She never reacted well to me being hurt or in pain, not even now when I wasn’t a small kid anymore.

~ ° ~

Being home did actually help in a way. Although it was sometimes strange to be back in our family home, it felt great to spend time with my parents again. I couldn’t even remember the last time I actually had more than a few days free to spend with them without having to keep up with training and media work. Usually when I came home for a couple of days, what I actually spent with them fully was like one or two out of my whole break. It was never easy as our season did take up quite a big part of the year, even the holidays sometimes. I felt crazy when I realised how much I missed them and the conversations we had all the time. It all made me think how many things I must have missed out on just because of focusing on my career and the sport I thought will give me everything I needed in life. Somehow now I didn’t feel like it will anymore. It still offered the things I wanted years ago, but plans can change, and I felt like mine truly changed and I wasn’t really looking forward to the goals I set at the start of my pro career.

My dad was actually glad there was someone finally to watch F1 with him, as my mum would never be a partner in that activity. Years ago my brother would be watching it with him, but since he moved out he always had to do it alone. They, of course, knew about Pierre, I would have never kept it as a secret from them, but they never met him before and I didn’t really plan on inviting him here yet. Not for a longer lunch or dinner, maybe even with my brother attending too. They were just too chaotic sometimes. You could never know how a day would go by in this household.

That’s why we planned our meeting after the Abu Dhabi GP at his place and not at ours. He spent a few days with his family before driving to Paris where he luckily had an apartment so we didn’t have to stay at my parents’ house. I would have loved to go for walks but with the state, my knee was in I knew it wasn’t a possibility, so we chose films and series to binge-watch and mostly just chilled at home. He still did his usual training even though it was already off season, as he knew he probably wouldn’t have the time during the Christmas mayhem that was coming up slowly. We also cooked together almost every day, so I could finally get some experience and skills I could use when I was going to be alone at home. It was one of those cooking days, while one of my favourite cartoon films was running on the TV when his mum called him so they could plan their Christmas day.

„ No, we didn’t really talk about that. I don’t know if she… ” I heard his answer, and even though I never heard the question I knew it was probably about me. „ I can ask but I don’t think… Yeah, okay. I will just ask. ” He gave up with a sigh and I could hear his footsteps coming closer to the kitchen. I looked up from the pan curiously when I saw from the corner of my eye that he entered the room.

„ Would you like to come for Christmas dinner? ” He asked, his phone off his ear so his mum wouldn’t fully hear him talking. „ It’s completely optional… my mum just wanted to know. ” He added, probably trying to put less pressure on me, even though I didn’t actually feel stressed about the idea.

„ I can if they really don’t mind. ” I answered, surprising him and even myself with how coolly I could decide about this. A couple of weeks ago I would have probably freaked out on a question like this. He was smiling as he gave my answer to his mum, who sounded happy at the news.

The next week flew by like the clock was on two times speed, and it was already the day before Christmas while I felt like it was just yesterday that Pierre came to Paris and I moved in with him. I did get anxious about meeting his family for the first when we got closer to the day it would happen, but he tried calming me down every time it happened, saying that they will for sure like me and there won’t be any problems between them and me. I knew that he wouldn’t lie to me, but it was still such a new territory for me that I didn’t really know what to think about it. The worse was during the day before we would go to them, as I woke up stressed and had to probably restart my knee tape four times in the morning as I messed it up every time. What helped me calm down, in the end, was baking, which also gave me something that we could take with us, even though I knew they didn’t ask me to do anything.

Waking up early the next morning was hard work, but the several alarms we sat did the work and we were up before the last one could go off. After a quick breakfast, Pierre took me back home so I could exchange gifts my family and could get ready for the evening. I tried to make it a calm few hours with me back home that the four of us could spend together, but it easily got out of hand. Julien just had to bring up my injury or more like recovery and didn’t even stop there but went on to say that I didn’t even deserve the perks I gained from being a part of the sports. Both of our parents tried to calm him down, but it was pointless.

„ I don’t even know why you’re still doing it if you can throw it all away this easily. ” He shook his head angry at me as we sat on separate couches in the living room with Mum in between us, probably on the verge of a breakdown. His words still made me think and I just gained the last bit of confidence to say out what my thoughts have been running around the last few days.

„ I don’t either. Maybe I won’t even go back. ” I said calmly, looking him in the eyes when my declaration finally shut him up. „ I have been thinking about it last season. Now I at least have a reason to do it. ” I shrugged, feeling relieved that I said it out loud and made it actually official.

„ And what are you gonna do? Live on the streets? ” He asked, although there wasn’t even a drop of concern in his voice.

„ I could do lots of things. I have a channel that I could get back to, I still have my own sponsors and all the deals I still have to do, while maybe even travelling a little on my own accord. I could finally use my life to things I actually like and not things that I do because I was told to. ” I answered his question, knowing quite well I’ll have to plan a lot more than that, but I was up for the challenge.

Although in the last few years I only focused on training and competing, back when we had time to do such things I started a youtube channel and did challenges or travelling vlogs with friends from my team. I always enjoyed photography and even the editing part of putting together little videos of all our activities while we were in training camps or went somewhere for a competition. I had a few thousand subscribers and at least twice every year I tried restarting it but then never had to time to actually get back into it. Now with all the free time, my step back would mean I could probably give it a renovation and just start uploading different types of videos. Even if the end it wouldn’t work well enough to build on it, I would have at least tried and didn’t just gave up a hobby I abandoned years ago.

„ I will just go get ready. ” I sighed when the clock on the wall got into my sight, making me realise that I should be leaving in almost an hour. Luckily none of them held me back and I could just walk upstairs to choose out an outfit.

At first, I didn’t really know what I should wear but then just decided on a pair of black jeans and an off-shoulder maroon blouse. I did my usual minimal makeup and popped in my favourite silver earrings to match the necklace that I always had on. I really didn’t want to out dress them by accident as I didn’t know how much they liked to dress up for dinners like today. It was when I heard shouting from downstairs when I rushed to get a coat and my favourite black heels from my wardrobe. I quickly grabbed my purse that was already put together, before running down the stairs in record time.

„ Julien! Leave him alone for the love of God. ” I shouted at my brother as soon as I got close enough to know he will hear me over his own shouting. I didn’t even care about what he was saying to Pierre, I just pulled him back by his arm, so he wouldn’t even think about hurting him in anyways.


	2. Special Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a small little glimpse into Pierre and Fleur's New Year's Eve party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t really plan on doing this part...but it just feels right.
> 
> To my dear @x-lipstickstain-x. I don’t know what to say... This year has been shit, even more than the others before it. My last month has been like hell with both uni and home situations and I was completely on the edge of my sanity for a whole ass week. That’s when I turned to Tumblr, because I wanted to belong somewhere. Never have I ever thought it will be this easy. Easy, because of you. I know...you don’t want me to make you cry, but mate... buckle up. You don’t know where you got me back from and you probably didn’t even feel in this online world how much it meant to me that I had someone to talk to, who didn’t judge me. As I’m writing this you sent me a message, containing the same tear inducing topic and it makes me laugh a little. I will still keep it short, and just say that I have never been more grateful for meeting another human being and that I just hope this will be something that we look back to years later and laugh at together. Because if it’s on me, you will have to put up with me pissing myself on my own jokes and killing you with making your wait for new chapters for at least the next 50 years. Also, this maybe involved my real feelings towards how supportive you were about anything I showed you, and how you never let me push something aside but rather encouraged me with new ideas and tips. Please never change one bit! Love ya 🧡
> 
> To everyone else. Happy New Years! Thank you for all the likes you guys gave my stories and that I already feel like it was worth sharing on here. I hope I can bring stories that you all will like and that will make you experience every possible human emotion. Thank you for reading, and see you guys next year!

„ Hey, you alright? ” Pierre came up to me, taking the bottle of whiskey from the counter next to me. I already had a glass of it in my hand, even though I was never one to really drink. The most I usually had was an alcohol-free beer or some sweeter cocktails. „ You vanished from the room like you were running from demons. ” He let out a little laugh, but stopped when our eyes met and I still couldn’t get a smile on my face.  
„ Yeah, something like that. ” I answered him, although not really knowing which question it was for. I felt alright, had nothing I had to complain about but at the same time I felt like I was running from a kind of demon. „ I’m fine, just tired. ” My head shook while muttering my half real answer, as I didn’t completely feel fine.  
„ What happened? Did they say something? ” His hand came up to my cheek and I let my head fall into his touch. His closeness always made it better, even just talking to him could lift my mood. However, it was in the last two days when I mostly just started doubting if we really had a future together. „ What is it? ” He asked, his face turning serious as I didn’t answer him.  
„ They did nothing… just asked how we imagine the next year… ” I shrugged a little, knowing fully, that it sounded stupid. Saying it out loud did make me realise how confusing it is that I’m so insecure about something that has been such a stable point in my life for the past year. „ I just started thinking about how I will probably mess this up too. ” I looked up at him, gnawing at my bottom lip.  
„ Why would you mess this up? Everything has been fine. Why do you think it would change? ” He questioned me, taking both of my hands in his when I finally let go of my drink. I thought about what exactly was my explanation behind it all.  
„ Everything I did this year ended up as a disaster. One more thing wouldn’t even be a surprise now. ” I sighed, clutching onto his hand as I let him pull me closer. We must have looked quite hilarious from the outside, in the middle of a livid new years eve party.  
„ Fleur, you did what you could. It can’t always be perfect. ” He shook his head, wrapping his arms around my body. „ I couldn’t even be prouder about your decisions this year. Not everyone can take the plunge and restart their life when they realise it’s not something they wanna continue. ” He told me, making me close my eyes and take in his usual scent.  
„ Do you really mean that? ” I asked him, moving my head so I could look up at him. My chin rested on his chest, with my arms coming up around his waist. There was a faint smile on my lips as I realised from his gaze he was telling me the truth.  
„ Of course. I would be stupid to think otherwise. ” He leaned down to place a small kiss on my lips which I received gladly, closing my eyes again for the moment.  
Just as we separated we could hear the crows outside on the balcony start the countdown from thirty. We looked back at each other and although he stepped back from my embrace, he reached out his hand to me, inviting me outside. I took it gladly, intertwining our fingers and following him without another word, so we could join him – and now mine too – friends. A shiver ran through my body as we exited the warm living room through the open balcony doors, but as soon as he hugged closer to himself I forgot about the winter weather.  
We listened to the chanting of numbers watching the starry night sky that was drowned just seconds later as all the fireworks exploded in front of us. I watched in awe as the different shapes unfolded on the horizon, coaxing a grin onto my face as I felt Pierre rest his chin on my shoulder. I tilted my head towards his, nuzzling my nose to his face before he lifted his head again and we shared another kiss. I still had my doubts. I will probably have them for my whole life, but right now I felt like they didn’t matter one bit. At least as long as I had someone like him next to me, guiding and supporting me about my decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Every kind of feedback is appreciated 🧡


	3. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s here, with almost 10 k words and my broken fingers 😂 Guess this story will contain a lot in every chapter, and I don’t hate that idea actually. Hope everyone likes it, and wishing a great weekend for everyone 🧡

„ I’ll do whatever I want. ” Julien shouted at me, which got me to take a step back as his tone sent a shiver through my body. „ You should be glad I won’t let you give up what you worked for your whole life, just because of one person. I knew he would be just trouble as soon as you told us about him. ” He glared at me, even though his actions had nothing to do with helping me in any way. For him it probably seemed like it, but I just knew he was pushing me towards decisions that would lead to his dreams and never mine.

„ That’s the main problem. That I already gave up so many years for something I don’t enjoy anymore. ” I shook my head at him, making his arms drop down next to himself. „ I loved it, a lot. But I don’t find the idea of me doing it until I’m too old for the sport luring, in any way. ” I voiced my thoughts somehow making him look even more shocked. „ I just want to enjoy myself and find other things I like, without spending day in and day out in the gym, trying to catch up with everyone who still has the passion you need. ” I added with a sigh, hoping he would say something, but he just stayed silent. My sight got blurry as he didn’t even try to say something and just stood in front of me.

„ Should we go? “ Pierre broke the silence when I looked up at him and with a nod I got my coat on, before stepping outside. He immediately took my hand when I brushed my fingers over his, not even taking one last look back as I followed him to his car. He opened the door for me, before getting to the other side so he could get in too.

I let out a relieved sigh when we finally left our street and were on our way to the highway that leads out of Paris. Somehow the city that meant love and intimacy to so many was just a place that made my anxiety skyrocket every time I visited and didn’t have everything planned out to the dot, just so I won’t give a chance for my own brother to be angry or fed up with me. I didn’t even know how we’re gonna get out of this one, I could just hope that we will find a solution with which we can just go our separate ways without bringing each other down. I just wanted to get out of a place that didn’t bring me happiness anymore. Most people were under pressure from their parents, while I experienced the same just from a sibling and not a parent.

„ Did something happen that he was this furious? ” Pierre asked when we were finally on the highway and I finally calmed down. „ Or does he just hate me this much? ” He asked, making me sigh.

„ I told them that I’m done with my skiing career. My parents didn’t even care, but he just flipped out. ” I shrugged my shoulders, looking at him. „ Don’t know how he came up with you being the cause for it, but his thinking was never rational. “ I added, shaking my head as I was completely clueless why he was angry with Pierre too and not just me who actually made the decision that he despised so much.

„ Probably believes that you started thinking about it when we got together. ” He shrugged, his eyes staying on the road. „ We can sit down to have a talk with him in the next few days if you would like to. We can explain it all to him. ” He added, taking my hand when he was sure he wouldn’t need both hands on the steering wheel.

„ No, I don’t want to just tell him ’excuses’ and give him another chance. He had enough of them already. ” I shook my head, squeezing his hand as I held his one in both of mine. „ He will have to realise it by himself. I’m not getting him there this time. I’m done living by his rules. ” I added looking out the window as I watched the fields pass by. I was looking forward to finally doing other things too, but a bit scared by it all at the same time.

We tried not bringing up the topic again as I just wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t be miserable while meeting his family finally. Turning on some music helped with my mood, as we had a Christmas playlist going, making me hum along to them as Pierre laughed at my poor attempt. It was a longer drive, but it gave me enough time to calm down and when it was time to get out I already had a smile on my face and went to the trunk so I could take out the little tin of cookies we made yesterday. I took one last deep breath before joining Pierre and we went to the door hand in hand. I felt more excited than anxious as he rang the bell and while we waited for the door to open I fixed the collar of his shirt a little. There was probably nothing wrong with it but I just had the instinct to occupy my hand with something.

As soon as the door opened his mum greeted us first hugging Pierre and then turning to me. For a moment I didn’t know what to do but when she moved to give me a hug too I gladly returned it, before we followed her inside. With a little help from Pierre I took off my coat and hung it next to all the others, following them to the living room, which was already filled with people that I could only take for Pierre’s brothers and their partners. I was quickly introduced to them, getting to know all of their names too in exchange, before we were ushered into the diner so we could sit down around the table. I let Pierre take the tin from my hands to the kitchen, but I waited for him to get back so I wouldn’t sit in someone else’s place. When he got back I let him take a seat and I just chose the free chair on his right as everyone else was already sitting down.

Dinner was delicious and it felt fantastic to slowly get to know all of them. They were all lovely and they made me feel like a part of their family already, even though they just met me. I never felt like I was under investigation even though they were constantly asking about something in connection with me. I had no bad feelings about opening up to them and hearing that they were happy I was next to Pierre meant everything. I never really had time for boyfriends, which explains why I never really had one, but the few I dated and with whom I got to the level of meeting each other’s families, it was always awkward or they just really didn’t like me right from the start. With them it felt perfect from the moment we stepped inside the house, even if I was still a bit hesitant about what may be things they wouldn’t really tolerate from me. Turns out I just had to find the right man to finally fit into their family and it probably wasn’t me that messed everything up in my past family meetings.

After dessert we moved back to the living room to sit down on the couches, with our glasses in our hands. Losing all of my insecurities I let myself lean into Pierre as we watched everyone giving their gifts to the kids first and then to each other. I observed them with a smile on my face as there were slowly more wrapping paper around everyone. When I felt Pierre move I got back into my normal sitting position and let him go to the tree to get his gifts to his family members. He still had one little boksz in his hand when he sat back next to me.

„ I know we said no gifts but I couldn’t wait with this one. ” He handed it to me when I was just taking a sip from my wine but put it back down, pulling my legs up under me as I turned to him fully. I couldn’t even really be angry with him as I was already excited to open it up. I slowly got the bow off of it before lifting off the top, revealing a thin ring with tiny little gems on it. „ I’m not proposing, don’t be alarmed. ” He immediately spoke up, with his arm coming around my shoulder.

„ It’s really pretty. ” I looked back down before taking it out of the box, to turn it around. „ Ten? Does that mean something? ” I asked when I counted the little gems around the surface of it. I was curious about the idea behind it, even though I loved it already without any addition of a story.

„ Yes. My car number. Do you remember when you touched the car after the Quali in Monza and a piece fell off? ” He asked me chuckling as I rolled my eyes at the memory. It was something that will make me laugh and feel embarrassed at the same time.

°°°

_Sitting next to Pierre’s engineer I could watch the qualification round on his screen while also hearing their communications. It was even more exciting than my first time visiting the races as I already knew everyone and it was a lot easier to connect with his crew members as we already got over the awkward period. I heard them as Pierre was called back as Q2 was over and his time wasn’t enough to get into the last round. They didn’t sound angry or disappointed, making me believe he did everything he could and it just wasn’t happening for them today. I turned in my seat towards the entrance when they got his car inside the garage and started turning everything off. I watched him climb out and take his helmet off as he was finished for the day._

_He first went to the table behind the car, putting down his helmet and gloves before coming back to his engineer and also me. As I turned back to the screens I felt his hand on the small of my back as he leaned closer so he would hear what they wanted to tell him from all the background noises. Knowing that he would shield me from the cameras anyway if there were any I didn’t spot already, I got brave enough to put a little kiss on his shoulder as that was the closest to me without disrupting them. For a second I thought he probably wouldn’t even feel it through the fireproof suit’s thick material, but then a smile got on his face while he was talking. He didn’t turn to me, staying quite professional in my opinion, focusing on the data shown on the screen, but I knew it was a reaction to my action and not something the engineer said._

_While they went over all the information they got from Q1 and Q2, I turned back again watching the mechanics work around his car in perfect synchronization. They got the wheels covered, the car cleaned and everything into its place for tomorrow’s race. I put the headset down next to Pierre’s arm on the table, pushing myself off the chair I was sitting on to stand next to the car so I could take a look at it from closer. I was fascinated by them, as I wasn’t able to grasp how so much power fit into such a small space. Looking around the livery I saw some dirt on the halo part and as I was already there I just wanted to help and tried to just swipe it off with my thumb when a little piece just moved at my action and stayed in my hand as I pulled it away. My eyes widened at the thought that I just broke something so expensive and I turned back in Pierre’s way actually scared. He probably felt my eyes on him because he turned back to me with a questioning look on his face._

_„ What’s that? He asked confusedly, looking at the little black part in my palm and I could only point at the hole that it left behind on the halo. „ How did you do that?” He asked, letting out a laugh as he came closer to me to inspect the car. I let him take the little piece from me as I was scared to touch anything else._

_„ I don’t know. I didn’t want to break it. ” I shook my head, completely frozen, thinking I just broke something in his car that will give his mechanics a headache. „ Is this… was it me? ” I was still scared, but not really understanding how I did something to such tough material._

_„ Some gravel could have hit it when someone went off, and you just gave it the last push. ” He shrugged a little and as he was laughing I released the idea from my mind that I was the one breaking it. „ The guys will fix it in no time, you did nothing bad. ” He stroked my back for a second before stepping back next to Pierre at the computers and I followed him before I could do something else to their equipment unintentionally, rather resting my hands on my thighs than touching anything else._

°°°

„ This is made from that piece. ” He pointed at the ring, making my jaw drop a little as I turned it around again. „ I put it away, as I wanted to keep it as a memory. It’s not everyday that someone breaks titanium… but I think it will look better on you than in one of my drawers. ” He added, taking it from my hand so he could gently push it onto the finger I choose. It was such a thin little jewelry, you would think it could break if you touched it, but the material made it durable.

„ I love it, thank you. I never got something so personal from someone else before. ” I told him looking at my left pointer finger, still mesmerized by how beautiful it was compared to its size. Although, the background story probably made it ten times better.

„ Now I can always be with you in a way, even if we’re not in the same country. ” He said, intertwining our fingers and I thought my grin couldn’t be wider than how it was at that moment.

When all the presents were open and everyone was back on the couches Jean decided that we should take some photos. Everyone got around the couch that we were sitting on while he set up the camera and started the timer. We had to take some, laughing in between takes, as he hadn’t really got back to us in time to be on the photo correctly. When we finally had one that was perfect everyone got back to their previous spot getting back to their conversations. I only realised this later when his dad sent us all the pictures, but before taking the camera down from it’s position he took another just of the two of us. It was really sweet and I may have changed my lockscreen to it the night we got them. Who wouldn’t?

In the end we stayed so late, the time flying by without us noticing it, that we decided on staying the night. Pierre had enough clothes here that he could give me a t-shirt to sleep in which was enough to convince me as I was already completely drained. I knew his family wouldn’t mind, they let me know several times, and a bed without us having to drive for two hours again was too inviting to reject. As soon as we said goodbye to the ones returning home we were free to shower and get into the bed finally. I was the first to shower, sitting down on the bed with my phone while I was waiting for Pierre to be ready.

I sent out some messages to friends to wish them merry Christmas, before going on Instagram to take a look at everyone’s celebration photos which almost all made me smile. It was great to see them happy and together with family until my brother’s story came up, seeing which you wouldn’t be able to tell we had such a bad fight before I left. I knew it wasn’t something the public should know about, but it was still strange to see him so ’happy’ while I was still getting angry at just seeing his face. I was just considering sharing one of the photos we got tonight when Pierre came out of the bathroom, making me look up.

„ Does anyone from your family usually share photos online from get-togethers? ” I asked him, although my mind froze for a second when I realised he was only wearing pajama shorts. I did have to force my eyes a little to look at his face.

„ Not really. Maybe Paul will, but they aren’t really into social media. ” He shook his head getting into the bed next to me. „ Why? Do you want to share something? ” He asked curiously, looking at my phone that was still in my hands.

„ I was debating it. Julien shared some photos, and I just had the urge to make him feel bad But I don’t think I’ll sink down to his level. ” I answered with a shake of my head, just locking my phone, and pushing it onto the nightstand before I would do something stupid. After I got under the blankets I turned towards him watching as he checked something on his phone too before putting it away and laying down.

„ He probably knows that you enjoyed yourself, and that’s enough. We don’t have to announce anything just so he feels bad about his decision. ” He shrugged a little taking my hand in his when I moved closer to him, resting my head on his chest. I stayed silent for a bit, watching the outside lights through his window, just thinking inside.

„ I just feel like it’s not fair that your family is so loving towards me and mine is just so messed up that I can’t even imagine you meeting them. ” I sighed, closing my eyes as I realised that it will probably stay like this forever. „ I just want them to be happy for me. My parents would be cool with you, at least I think, but Julien… I don’t know if he’ll ever like people who I know outside of his friends. ” I moved my head a little to get into a more comfortable position as I was almost fully plastered to his side.

„ If that helps, I don’t really care about when I get to meet your family. I’m okay with meeting them tomorrow and would be okay with next year too. ” He shrugged his shoulders gently so my head wouldn’t move around a lot. „ We can discuss it tomorrow, we’re both tired. ” He let out a yawn, making me chuckle as I closed my eyes again, so I could get closer to falling asleep.

It didn’t take long for me to fall asleep with his hand on my back. Luckily we didn’t need to wake up early and we could stay in bed until the smell of breakfast made us get up. I was again happy with my choice of jeans as I didn’t have to get into a dress again and I could just wear another one of Pierre’s shirts with the jeans. It was quite big for me, as I had to tuck it into the waist of my pants, but it was at least comfy and it smelt like Pierre even though they weren’t ones he wore anymore. That’s why they were here and not at one of his apartments.

We had breakfast with his family before we left for Paris again. The first plan, made before we had our fight with Julien, was that I would stay a day or two at home to celebrate with them too, before going back to Pierre’s so we could celebrate New Years Eve together. However, after everything we changed it to me going home so I could get my stuff together, so I would have enough clothes to stay with him. I thought it would be harder for me to get out of my bad mood, but in just days I was over it all and I just enjoyed starting the new year with him and some friends who came over to his place.

~ ° ~

The first month of the year for me was all about restarting my life, as cliche as that sounds. I finally got my abandoned channel together, giving it a more organized look as I usually just uploaded whatever I felt like and it had no layout whatsoever. There were some I had to delete and some that I just finally got into a playlist based on the topic of them. There were also lots of paperwork that was waiting for my signature, so my departure could be announced officially. The day before the due date for the signed versions I also recorded a small little farewell video. I left it to my team to decide if they wanted to post it as a little thank you from me or not. I knew I will definitely post a longer video for the restart of my channel where I will mention my ’retirement’ from the sport and some plans for the future. I felt like a new person as I planned everything out for the next few weeks at least, although thanks to Pierre’s schedule I had some ideas for even as far away as half a year later.

The day it was announced stung a little, as everything became real and was now irreversible. It probably helped that I have been thinking about this decision for the last year or so, getting myself used to the idea, but it still felt strange that from this point I wasn’t part of any team and I wouldn’t be competing under the French flag. It was a strange feeling, but at the same time I felt free in a sense, as I didn’t have to make all my plans considering all the competitions, training and camps. The only thing I had to consider were Pierre’s races, but as it involved traveling around the world it was perfect for how I wanted my year to look. They were the things I was most looking forward to, probably because I got to be next to him during the process.

In the middle of January I had to go back to Milano to get my things and get the apartment ready so I could finally put it up onto the market as I didn’t need anything in Italy since I wasn’t attending any training there. I already had my eye on a new one in Paris, close to Pierre’s but it wasn’t available for moving-in until mid February. Luckily Pierre didn’t have anything against me staying at his in Faenza while I waited for mine to get ready. He was in America with RedBull before they could start AlphaTauri up for the new season, so I had the apartment to myself to get videos ready for uploading and at least I could keep it clean as a thank you. We did actually work as a team quite well, which was calming to know that living together wasn’t too big of a challenge for us just as having to spend time away from each other wasn’t either. Going into a year where we were gonna travel together, it was a good sign that we couldn’t get bored of eachother but I was relieved that we had time separately for ourselves before it started.

When I flew out to Barcelona at the beginning of February there were already some cases but we never thought that travelling to Australia in March will be pointless as the race got cancelled before it could even start. We still stayed a few days to replan everything as we didn’t really want to stay in Italy after they went into lockdown. We decided on Dubai in the end as they looked better at battling the problems and it was also the best weather choice. Luckily I could do my new job from anywhere, and Pierre only needed his training as we knew this won’t be a small little break before they could get back to racing. So we made sure we had everything we needed, before flying out to Dubai with Pyry and some other crew members from AlphaTauri.

I tried to cut my videos as much as possible in a way that people won’t realise where I am and with who I am spending my time. It wasn’t as easy as when I had his apartment for myself, even though people already started some rumours that some rooms that were in my video looked quite similar to Pierre’s home from photos. They knew we’re friends, they have seen me during races and on photos next to him when I only attended them as his friend, but didn’t know that things changed between us. I just hoped we can stay in this state, them questioning everything but not finding real answers that could verify any of their ideas. Until the middle of April, where I messed up, quite badly. I uploaded a video in it’s scheduled time, only realising later that a part included Pierre walking into the room behind me. I probably didn’t realise during filming it that he came back, as when I knew there were parts where they could hear or see him, I usually made sure that I went through it thoroughly to get them out. This time, I wasn’t meticulous enough and could do nothing as they were already commenting about the part everywhere when I realised my mistake and could have taken it down. It didn’t matter if I left it up or deleted it, as everyone already saw it or could see it on other platforms.

For the remainder of April we tried to just keep low, not really answering any questions, even though there were comments all over both of our profiles. We wanted to wait until they finally calm down, so we won’t be pouring oil on an already burning fire. They were mostly kind about the whole situation, but we couldn’t know what will happen when we make it truly official. What I didn’t think would happen was that someone else would announce it for us. I should have known that nothing will be easy with my family, as my brother decided to completely leave logic at home during an interview, and just straight up confirmed my relationship with Pierre, and knowing him he would have answered anything they asked him.

„ I could kill him right now if that wouldn’t mean jail for me. ” I shook my head as I replayed the video of the interview again, listening to all his words as Pierre was watching it, sitting next to me.

„ We would have told them anyways. Not like this and not now, but at least it wasn’t something we didn’t plan on. ” He sighed, taking his own phone out to look at something, while I was busy with watching the video. I had the urge to call Julien and start arguing with him, but I knew nothing would be fixed with that decision as I will probably just make it even worse. „ Maybe it will be better like this. Easier. ” He added, making me think, even though I was still not looking forward to how all of his fans will now comment on his stuff while knowing we are together.

„ They will know everything, I don’t want them to be in that position. It’s our relationship, still everyone will just try getting between us. I don’t want that. ” I shook my head, my hands falling into my lap with my phone still between them. „ That never ends well. ” I added, pouting and actually close to crying.

„ Fleur… they will know what we tell them. They’re not here to hear everything we say. Yeah, relationships end sometimes, but if it’s stable before then being official on socials won’t be the one breaking it. ” He shook his head with his arm around my shoulders to pull me closer. „ We’re quite stable now, if you ask me. It’s not gonna change anything, that we can now post freely and you won’t have to edit videos for hours to make sure they can’t hear me or anything. ” He tried calming me down, and actually succeeding even though I was still not happy about the situation.

„ I know, I just hate when people take control away from me. Even worse when it’s your own family. ” I shook my head, turning to my left so I could hug him easier, getting closer to him. Luckily he opened his arms for me, letting me cuddle his side while he crossed his arms around me. I felt as he left a kiss on the top of my head, making me smile contently for a second before I just closed my eyes again, hiding my face in his jumper.

„ We’re gonna get through this just fine. You won’t even feel the difference. ” He promised me, making me nod, so he knows I believe him, but I didn’t plan on letting him go.

I knew it won’t be easy immediately, but I wanted to face it with positive vibes and try to act as truly nothing happened, as nothing really did in our real lives. Maybe things around us did, but that didn’t have any effect on our feelings or decisions. I knew I would have days when it won’t be this clear for my mind, but I was sure that I would get through it with Pierre’s help. Or at least I hoped so.

~ ° ~

I never thought the day would come when they finally would get a date for the restart of the season. But it happened and we finally had everything planned again as Pierre was called back home, to start training at home for the season. For the last month we had I went back to Paris as I had some offers from sports brands to do some photoshoots with them, before I would fly to Austria with the Alpha Tauri people. In the meantime I tried getting all of the future brand deals planned for the times I will be in their country, so I won’t have to travel twice the amount than what I would do for the race weekends. Given the circumstances I didn’t want to raise that amount for anything. I didn’t plan on going home, as I didn’t even want to be close to family right now, and I didn’t plan on doing any vacations, as we were happy with the amount of flights we will have to go through during the year.

I caught up to them on Thursday, falling into the bed next to Pierre in our shared hotel room, as it was already late evening when my flight landed. I was craving sleep and nothing else, knowing full well the next few days will be full of things to do. Being official with him meant I won’t have to look out for all the cameras and I could just walk around the paddock without a care for the outside world. I planned on taking advantage of my mess up and making it into something enjoyable as we could finally skip all the questions about what we actually are to each other. Everyone already knew the answer thanks to Julien although we still didn’t announce anything, as we thought they already knew everything and we would just go with the flow. It felt less ’in your face’ and we both thought it would show the fans and everyone following our lives that this was something in the background and changed nothing about who we are. It was probably more important for me, to not get connected to him and in the hole of being known as only a girlfriend rather than another human being who was leading her own life. It was probably lucky that my life wasn’t as private anyways as some other partner’s, and there were people who already knew me even before I met Pierre.

The only thing I wasn’t looking forward to was waking up to an alarm again, but it happened for the next three mornings and I knew it would be part of our lives while I was allowed into the same room as him in the hotel. I was almost getting used to the usual music that meant we have like 10 minutes to get out of bed when we got to Sunday, making me humm sleepily when he turned the alarm off just seconds after it started, but still turned back to me after it was silent in the room again. Maybe this was the only bearable part of waking up, and I tried to enjoy it to the fullest in all of those 10 minutes we usually spent with staying in bed for a bit longer. He was the first one to get up in the end, leaving me to fully wake up while he took another shower. I was still just sitting on the side of the bed when he came out of the bathroom, but then I finally found some strength to push myself off it so I could get some clothes on so we could get some breakfast.

While Pierre had one last short training session with Pyry I made sure I had everything in my bag that I would need for the day and got the previous day’s footage off my camera so I would have all the space for today that I could need. I never liked the idea of daily vlogs but I did try to film at least a little bit of footage every day so I had enough to work with at the end of it. With the upcoming race weekends it will probably be easier, although I didn’t want to make it boring with always the same content. I was lucky that the countries and circuits were all different at least giving me different tourist sites. It would have been a lot harder to make every week’s video unique without all the sightseeing we planned on doing outside of races and training.

„ Ready to go? ” I heard Pierre from behind me and I just nodded a little before shutting down the top of my laptop. I put it aside on the bed before standing up and getting all my things together.

„ Yeah, let’s go. ” I added, stepping next to him and after kissing his cheek I left the room with him trailing behind me. We already had a car waiting for us, that took us to the entrance of the track from where we could take the walk to the team’s motorhome.

There weren’t many people around yet, only the teams and some medai people, getting ready for the day and the race itself. We saw several photographers and TV crews as we passed through the paddocks area, before we entered the office that Alpha Tauri got for the weekend and we could get to work. They needed him for the usual data analysing and strategy talks while I just took the couch in his room to edit a little, before he would get to be free for lunch break. At least we aren’t distracting each other from our jobs but still were able to spend time during the breaks he got during the day for meals or quick naps. I was almost done with last week’s video, that contained me running around Paris doing photoshoots and interviews, when he texted me to let me know he’s finished and we can meet up in the canteen downstairs.

It was the last time we could talk before the start of the race as he still had to attend a press conference and an interview before they would start getting ready in the garage. I got to go down to the garage and wish him good luck quickly when he was already in his suit, on the way to the car from his changing room, before I went up to take my seat next to his family. They didn’t really plan on attending more of the races for this year but wanted to watch him start the season at least. I was quite happy to spend some time with them, talking through the whole race with his mom who I grew quite fond of since I met her a few months back. She always asked about me through Pierre, making sure I was well too, probably knowing there weren’t many people in my life who made sure how I was thanks to keeping a distance from my family. It was really sweet of her, as it wouldn’t have been something she had to do but rather decided to do.

The race itself was interesting but also confusing with several DNFs, leaving us glad that Pierre even got the chequered flag and didn’t break down during the 71 laps. I knew he would be happy with a top 10 finish for the first race of the season, even more so after Daniil crashed out thanks to break failure, leaving him to be the only one getting points for the team this time. While they drove to the pitlane we took the stairs down to the paddocks and were already waiting in the back of the garage when the podium celebrations started and waited for him to get back to their team space. I was just cropping a picture for my Instagram story of him during the race when I heard my name and a greeting in a voice I wasn’t really expecting. Looking up from the device I soon had a smile on my face as I saw Charles coming our way, and I greeted both him and George too who was passing by just as I looked up. There were a few people outside of Pierre who I always changed a few words with during the weekends last year, them being mostly the rookies, Charles and Daniil who were closer to him and were mostly our age group.

„ How’s life going? ” He asked me with a broad smile, making me slip my phone back into my pocket. Charles was always a two sided person for me, as I had no problems with him but at the same time I knew he was still friends with Julien and talking to him almost daily. Never knew if there was anything behind his intentions.

„ Quite well, couldn’t really ask for more. ” I shrugged a little smiling at him as I turned away from the people standing next to me so we wouldn’t disturb their conversation. Pierre’s mother did greet Charles with a warm smile, having known him for years now, but then turned back to her family. „ Congrats for the podium, it was quite intense for the last few laps. ” I let out a little laugh and gladly hugged him back when he moved for it as part of his greeting.

„ Those are the best. It wouldn’t be worth it without the last ones. ” He agreed with a chuckle, stepping back so people wouldn’t tell us off for breaking social distancing although we both had masks and most of the people here couldn’t attend the race without getting tested. „ Are you coming to most of the races? ” He asked, making me feel like this was a setting up question for a conversation I wasn’t about to have with him here.

„ Yes. I planned my schedule so I could travel with Pierre and the team. ” I nodded a little, waiting for his response, but when I saw he was debating whether to voice his next question or not, I rather tried shutting him down. „ Don’t bring him up… Please never ever let him get you to fix his own wrong doings. If he really wants to resolve our relationship he should be the one coming up to me. I had enough of him getting others to do his dirty laundry. ” I shook my head, my smile fading as he did too, realising he won’t be able to get me to talk to him.

„ Sorry. He just asked about you when I brought it up that Pierre was always talking about you. ” He apologised, and I could see how uncomfortable he became in just seconds so I just shook my head.

„ No worries. It’s just not as easy as me talking to him. I tried fixing it too many times, it’s up to him this time. ” I shrugged a little, smiling for a second so he knew that I didn’t have a problem with him trying to help and it was just a bit more complex than the usual. I was about to try to lighten the mood when his head turned away from me and a second later there was an arm coming around my middle.

„ Stealing my girlfriend, are you? ” Pierre asked from behind me, making both Charles and myself laugh, while I looked up at him, my palm coming up to rest over his hand on my right hip as it was wrapped around my middle, across my stomach.

„ You can have her, wouldn’t want to break your dream world. ” Charles waved his hand, almost offending me, but he fixed it with the second part of his sentence, making me roll my eyes. Just seconds later we said goodbye to him, turning back to Pierre’s family as we went back to the garage that we came from.

I finally posted the picture I wanted before, while waiting for Pierre to change back to his everyday clothes so we could get back to the hotel. I was just going through the pictures shared by photographers who got to be at the races, as fans couldn’t really attend and they could only reshare photos from today and not take pictures themselves. Never did I think I will start grinning by seeing photos of the two of us shared online, but as soon as Pierre arrived back I was already turning my phone towards him so he could see my favourite one. It was just from the few minutes we spent talking with Charles and I loved it from the first second I saw it. I couldn’t hold back from liking it and also saving it for myself, although I didn’t yet plan on sharing things like this. I felt uneasy about showing more romantic, intimate moments from our time together, but at the same time I didn’t really mind them seeing these ones now. It made me relax a little bit that they seemed happy about me, and added lovely comments to the picture as they shared them on their own accounts.

Back at the hotel we were already done with the dinner when some of the other guys arrived, making us stay in our seats so we could talk a little. While the boys had their own conversation about the race and the whole season all together I had the chance to talk to the girlfriends who attended today and I felt like everything fell into its place finally. I was looking forward to our plans for this year anyways, but it just felt like I finally made a decision that I wouldn’t be disappointed by in a few weeks. I felt like a real part of this whole group already and I was a bit moved by how the girls all tried to let me know that, even though our partners were mostly rivals in their work environment. Deep inside I knew almost all of them were mature, clear minded people who could but work aside from their lives outside the track but somehow it still surprised me how well they managed it.

~ ° ~

Although we didn’t plan on really going home between any of the races, Pierre was forced to do so after the friend who was looking after his place while we were away, let him know that he found the flat opened up and things missing when he went over after the Spanish GP. While I flew to Brussel he had to go back and just make sure it was taken care of by the authorities, even though we knew nothing would be found from all the things they took. They would never try to sell it, or get money out of the things as anyone could recognize the watches, helmets and other little pieces. I didn’t even know why it was worth it for anyone to do it, if in the end they couldn’t get anything out of it. In the end we were just both happy none of us were there when they broke in, and it was only material loss and not someone getting hurt and that he could follow us a week later as the police promised to try everything they just can and keep in touch through the ones who were usually looking after his stuff while he would be travelling.

He sent me a message when he got onto the plane and I was there half an hour before he would be landing, so he wouldn’t have to call a taxi or get the team to send him a car that would take him to the hotel. I already had a rental that I could take to Spa and leave there at the end of the week, so I could travel inside the city for the photoshoots I had planned for our week free before the GP. Why would we get another car to get him if I could just drive there and get him back to the hotel after finishing up with an interview in the morning. Minutes after liking my message about me waiting for him in the carpark I already saw him leaving the building and after searching for the car came towards me with all his stuff. I opened the trunk for him from the inside, waiting for him to get the suitcases into the car before opening up the passenger door and getting into the vehicle next to me. After a quick greeting I started the car and finally got out of the parking lot so we could get back to the hotel which was around an hour away from Brussel in Spa. He looked quite tired, but we luckily still had a few days until Friday so he would have all the time he needs to rest up before the weekend.

„ Do you still have things to do in Spa? Or was everything last week? ” He asked, leaning his head back on the headrest, with his eyes daring to close in any second.

„ I’ll have to get to a photoshoot tomorrow, but after that I’m free for the rest of the week. ” I answered with a smile on my face, looking at him for a second. „ You can come with me if you would like, although I think you will need a full day of sleep more. ” I let out a quiet laugh as his eyes were already closed when he nodded in agreement.

Luckily he was able to sleep during the drive and though still looked tired, his mood was a lot better when we got out of the car a the hotel. Getting our suitcases out I closed the car and followed him inside, so we could get the keycard to our room. As soon as we were inside, he jumped into bed while I put our stuff out of the way and got the little hair color kit out of my bag, that I got before I went to the airport to pick Pierre up. My hair was quite due for a coloring but as I knew no one here I decided to do it myself. The plan was a little bit of lightning and giving it a lavenderish tint, which didn’t sound hard enough to scare me away. Maybe deep down I was shaking a little, but the surface is what matters, and there I was quite sure I’ll make it work somehow.

The lightening was already finished and I was about to start the color when I heard rustling from the bedroom and just seconds later Pierre was standing in the doorway to the bathroom looking at me confused. I let out a little laugh, pushing away the remaining amount of bleach and conditioner combo in the little bowl so I could put down the one that had the color in it. This was the easier part, as i just had to add it to the ends of my hair where it was a light blond shade right now.

„ I wanted something new, and thought it would be better to do it before the photoshoot than after. ” I answered his imaginary question, making me smile with how much I knew his thinking already. „ At least it wouldn’t be visible how much the blond had grown out. ” I added with a sigh, looking at my reflection now only seeing my original hair color from the roots right to the middle of the whole length of it.

„ It’s gonna suit you. Even if the blonde was good already. ” He shrugged a little, watching as I got the cream on the second half of my hair in like 10 minutes. I used up everything I út into the bowl and was about to just throw out the bleach that I didn’t use in the end, when he stopped me. „ Maybe you can use it on mine? ” He asked and I thought he was joking, but his face stayed serious.

„ I don’t wanna mess up your hair. ” I pouted at him, combing my fingers through it. „ It looks good anyways. You don’t need a different color. ” I shrugged my shoulders, as I did actually really like the color of his hair.

„ But you have some more anyways and I never had anything like this done before so it would be exciting. ” He shrugged a little, still not letting me wash out the bowl. „ Whatever happens I won’t hate it. Worst thing that could happen is I’m gonna have to dye it back darker. That’s not that hard to do. ” He added making me sigh and give into him.

He took his t-shirt off so at least that wouldn’t get ruined and set down on the edge of the bathtub so I could be taller than him and get the mix on his strands in a way that would give him a sun-bleached look in my opinion. I had an idea of how you should apply it as I had it done several times and watched how my own hairdresser would put it on. In the end he was just ready when I had to wash my own hair out and we changed places inside the room, so I could use the shower head attached to the faucet next to the tub. Even though mine turned out great even in it’s wet state, I was anxious to wash his hair out just a few minutes later. He let me do it, leaning over the bathtub and it surprised me how natural it looked after it was towel dried and ruffled up a little bit.

„ This isn’t half bad actually. I’m surprised. ” I told him, while I was loosely braiding my hair so it would get a bit wavy for tomorrow even if I knew they will style it tomorrow. „ You should have done this a lot earlier. The fans will die when they’re gonna see it. ” I bumped my shoulder into him, with a huge grin on my face when he just picked me up and threw me onto the bed, my body lending on the mattress with a soft thud.

The next few days after I was finished with work were spent sightseeing in Spa and also meeting up with Anthoine’s family as they came out for the race. There was a planned commemoration for the start of the race but they just wanted to meet up and talk a little before the weekend chaos started and they wouldn’t have time. I was a bit confused when Pierre bought a bouquet of flowers at the end of our morning run on Thursday, but then I saw him take it with him for the track walk and put it down next to the others at the scene of the incident last year. Even if it was a sad situation it made me smile, knowing how good of a person he actually is. Even if he didn’t win the race for him that Sunday, he made sure, together with Charles, that they never forgot who Anthoine was and what he achieved during the time he got.

It was strange to leave Belgium but we had to get to Monza for the following weekend, and I knew he was planning something for the first day of September as it was going to be our first anniversary. Even though I told him I would be fine with a hotel dinner and a film in the evening, he didn’t let me stop him and I just gave up after like the second try. I was just happy to get some work done on the 31st of August and then start Tuesday off with an early run with Pyry around the park that was close to the hotel before we took a bus around the city and then had a nap before lunch. When we woke up Pierre already had a bag packed and as soon as I got some normal clothes on, we could leave the hotel building and get into a taxi that was already waiting for us. I didn’t even dare to ask questions as I knew he wouldn’t tell me what the plan was before we got to our destination. So I just stayed silent, watching the city go by through the window of the car.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading everyone! Part II is already in the works and I will post it as soon as I can. Again, any kind of feedback is welcome here and please consider leaving a kudo! Thanks 🧡


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